I used to wonder what would happen if I told the truth.

I know what my parents told me would happen, “Your father’s practice would be ruined and then how do you think we would survive!?! His reputation is what keeps a roof over your head, you ungrateful spoiled brat”

I know what my friend offered, “I’ll slash his tires”

I know what he said, “My father used to BEAT me. His father used to whip him with a belt. You have nothing to complain about. You just need to stop: making me mad, looking at me like that, trying to go out wearing that, slamming doors, having an opinion”

I know what my teacher said “I am obligated to report this by law”

I know what my other friend said, “Stop being so dramatic!”

I know what my therapist told me “Well, your options are limited. If we remove you from the home they may put you in a juvenile home or even a mental ward. Let’s just work on strategies to not be provocative and lay low until you are done with high school, you don’t want to ruin your chances at college.”

I know what my mom claimed “I didn’t see him hit you so I can’t say for sure”

I know what my other friend offered – self defense lessons – I guess so I could turn an incident into a full-fledged fight?

I also know that it didn’t stop. Not after high school. Not after college. Not even after age 35. A “smart mouth” will get you slapped or thrown around; an eye roll will get you backhanded; an opinion will blow up a Holiday and get you blamed for setting him off.

And then I had children of my own. And it happened again, in my home, with my babies in the other room. And I was able to protect them in a way I was never allowed or allowed myself to protect me – the relationship was severed

So the truth came out.

I know what my sister said, “Why did you do this to me?”

I know what my mom claimed “I didn’t see him hit you so I can’t say for sure”.

I know what my husband said “If we call the police and press charges there will be a lot of questions and there weren’t any witnesses. They are also going to ask if you had been drinking” as he eyed the glass of wine in my hand.

I know what he told my relatives “She started it, she attacked me, it was self defense.” and since NO ONE asked me or reached out in any way or ever knew the LONG history of this behavior, I guess that is what they believed.

So what DOES happen when you let the words fall out and “be brave”? Well it certainly doesn’t look anything like an afterschool special where there is comfort and healing. Lots of people, especially relatives, don’t really want the truth. They want the bubble of denial. They will listen to the person they are used to listening to, not the one who kept silent. And that makes me doubt being Brave and trying to tell the truth.

And now, there is the rift with me mostly standing alone with the truth and everyone else still on the other side. Discussion is not possible, but I’ve been accused of ruining everything, starting the ball rolling on my parents divorce, breaking up the family, being a spoiled brat. And now I know that never crying wolf is just as bad as always crying wolf…

But me, at least I know I won’t get hit anymore, I won’t let me or my family be subject to the abuse. And that the cycle stops with me and that does feel Brave.